According to the tenth edition of Webster's dictionary, a curmudgeon is a crusty, ill-tempered and miserly old man. In reality, curmudgeons are big-hearted, non-gender specific folks who hide behind a crust of cynicism. They are usually endowed with a sly wit and acute perception. Their standards can't be compromised as they attack mediocrity and dishonesty, whenever found, with satiric humor. Some world-class curmudgeons are Truman Capote, Al Capp, Woody Allen and Erica Jong, to name a few. People have referred to me as an iconoclast, so I suppose I can also be considered a curmudgeon.

With my mug of hot coffee and computer tuned in (is tuned in the correct term...no I'm thinking about the radio) to job listings for writers, I found myself drawn into the various writers markets available. One job, in particular, interested me because it was the third time the position appeared in the want ads (www.torontocraiglist.org). The e-zine is a one-woman publication looking for promo material, ad copy, or whatever is necessary to promote the magazine. Since I am a Jill of all trades and a master of only three, I became intrigued even further.

What also engaged my attention; the e-zine originates in Toronto, which is one of my favorite spots to shop, dine, and catch a live show. Toronto also happens to be a distant neighbor to the north of us. Lake Ontario is the only thing separating Toronto, Canada from Rochester, New York, U.S.A. If the Breeze, our infamous fast ferry ever resumes travel, I thought, I can scuttle across the lake in no time flat to do a little business in Toronto. After five minutes of reverie, I thought, "I had better send my resume and writing samples out."

However, before sending in my resume, which includes all pertinent and personal information, except for the birthmark on my back, I like to research the magazine and/or company before I commit my life history to a stranger. When I clicked on to the website, imagine my surprise when I discovered the e-zine promotes an escort service. It may be a great writing opportunity for someone, but being the old curmudgeon that I am, I want to leave some sort of legacy for my grandchildren that will allow them to remember their grandmother with pride and dignity. Or, I could apply for the freelance job and have my grandchildren remember me forever as a sexagesimal sexpot.

Copyright 2005 by Pamela Beers. All rights reserved.